It's a Gregorious Life

Monday

Mandy was out back with mom and her brother today when I got there after work.

We moved to the front porch. Mom had on her new clothes Tim got her. I tried to get her to smile for a photo and barely succeeded.

She told me she doesn't like to smile. It goes back to an incident that happened when she was staying with her mother.

Someone said something funny and mom laughed really hard. Rudy's son Shane saw her and thought her teeth were big. "Wow you've got FANGS!" she said he shouted. It must have crushed her because she said "you wouldn't want to smile either if you had fangs."

Such a strong woman to still be hurt by a child's harmless content even at her age. Are any of us any less vulnerable, at any age ?

I remember being on the school bus in junior high and I was lip syncing a song on the radio as we all rode on the school bus. My friend Jackie looked at me an with such a blank, expressionless face said to me "you have a large mouth for a boy."

I've been insecure ever since. I said things to people at that age that I'm sure made them feel the same way.

Our struggle as believers is that after all the hurts of this life, many committed by those that portray themselves as righteous when really they practice selective literalcy, we know there is peace in the next.

Easter Weekend, 2012

David and Will were still in town Thursday and came over. Terry came over Saturday and brought mom a new Easter outfit and some perfume she likes. The Siberian Husky brothers dropped by for a visit. 

Sunday I picked her up about 1210 and headed to the house. I had fixed a pork loin and David and Pat came over with all types of stuff including rice, chicken and dumplings, and sweet potatoes. I had some ham and banana pudding and Pat made some chocolate pies. We even used the good china rather than paper plates, though David and Pat did come prepared just in case. David and Pat and mom fed Drake from stuff from the table- ham, and vanilla wafers. 

Mom ate it all up. She said she had a good time. David and Pat cleaned the whole kitchen and dining room up like Langoliers afterwards. 

We read from moms diary after that. It sounded like Days of Our Lives. She had more men mentioned in the few days that we read that most women have ever seen in a Chippendales revue. 

After that we headed back about 3. We went by the cemetery first to see the flowers Terry had put on dads grave. 

When we got back to the facility we discovered as we went through the door that mom and her hallmate Sal had the exact same outfit on. East Twins I dubbed them.

I called her later but didn't go back over. She said she had a good supper. I told her how well she had done getting in and out of the Tribeca today. 

Saturday and Sunday

Moms Saturday seemed to go well enough. She said Mr. Carpenter and his mom ate lunch with her. I got there while she was eating supper, and told her I'd see her in the room. She had BBQ and baked beans, but didn't eat it all because she wasn't hungry.

When she told me that when she got to the room I told her I guessed that meant she didn't want the apple turnover I'd brought. "That's different" she said. I ignored it a while but she brought it up again so I gave it to her.

She got a lot of it all over her pants but she puttered over and cleaned it off perfectly before I could do so."Ruth thinks you're real nice" she said. I told her I really had her fooled.

She said thinks Terry is coming over Sunday. "Throw the old dog a bone" she said, laughing, glad for the anticipated visit.

Pat sent a photo of Brewer's birthday cake because mom said she wanted to see it so I showed her that. Pat said she had called mom earlier and woke her up. She said she was confused and frustrated. She called back while I was there.

She said the top she had on was real loud. She was concerned someone would look in the window and see her. I told her it would be in the paper tomorrow probably: "Loud top seen on retired woman through the window." She said she wanted to get a hen and a rooster to put in the dog pen when she gets home. I told her if I went outside in the morning and saw them in there I'd know she was back.

Sunday was totally different. It started out similar, with her still eating when I got there. I didn't stop in so as not to interrupt her and give her an excuse to stop. When she came into the room she stopped at the door.

"You're lucky to have a momma today, Greg" she said, loudly and with force. I knew the jig was up.

I asked her why. She said "because I could have went out the door and left." She claimed to have slept in her chair all night, that no one had looked in on her at all or thrown a blanket over her, and she was wearing, she said, the same clothes as Sunday. I told her it was still Monday. She disagreed, said she had a hamburger for breakfast and didn't know why they singled her out to treat her that way.

It was a disturbing pity party that I didn't get an invitation to and was glad to depart immediately. But I stayed. She stayed in the doorway and kept lambasting the place. I felt helpless as what to say. I knew the old standbys to change the subject, like how was your day, did you see anyone today, were not going to work.

Then I remembered she had said Terry was coming today so I asked her if she had seen her. She brightened up and said she and Mandy came by at lunch and stayed a while. That got her in a little better mood. She signed Vance and Brewers birthday cards. I wasn't going to bring them up at first. I finally asked her, I said I know you're in a bad mood but I have these cards to you want to do them now or have me bring them back? They were already late so I'm glad she did them. She said she couldn't see what she was doing though.

I left about 640. I told her to have a good night. "Good night? I just got up."

The Weekend, January 27, 28, 29 2012

Mom seemed to have a pretty good weekend, staying pretty coherent and alert.

Friday she and Donald were in the lobby when I got there. She had therapy that morning and took a nap after lunch and thought it was another day, that was the only negative part. She said she had been on the phone with Batchie and was so tired she thinks she hung up on her. "I remember I went out in the hall asking people what day it was."

Saturday I went over about 1230 and took her a bo berry biscuit from McDonald's and some coffee which she had after lunch. We sat out on the porch for a while and she got some sun. She said Terry called from Gatlinburg. I left about 130 to get get stuff to fix Misha's grave with.

I went back after supper and she had took a nap but it had not messed up her days. She had a lot, pot pie and salad and diet banana pudding. She had asked for some shea butter lotion so I had gotten that while I was out but forgot to bring it in. When I went to get it David and Pat had just drove up.

Sunday I went over at 5 and told her I had an apple pie for her if she ate all her supper. She had stew beef over rice and some tomatoes and okra, no dessert.

I met her in the hall on the way to the room and gave her a lift. She liked the apple pie. She said she had a blister on her leg from sitting in the sun yesterday and the nurse had drained it for her. Terry called again. Lowell Presbyterian Church played bingo with them today but she didn't know until the last minute and didn't go. We were watching tv and she saw someone from Johnson and Wales in Charlotte and said they were the ones that fixed the omelette's the other morning.

She wants to read her diary next time she goes home. She said she should keep one now. "I have so many interesting things going on" she said, as she shook her head from side to side and closed her eyes.

We were watching Food Network and Taylor Dayne is on one of the shows. I looked up and played this song for mom; it's so beautiful and amazing and even though it's more than 20 years old Taylor still looks the same. It's a song that I really like and I dare you to click the link and watch the whole thing and not be moved. Mom listened to it and really liked her voice.

Then I heard a noise. I said was that your stomach or a car? Mom said it was her stomach. We laughed but I still think it was maybe a sound from a neighbor's tv. I hope so anyway because it was loud enough to be quite concerning.

Saturday and Sunday

I took Donald and Bertie an All-American Dog from Sonic on my way to see mom. He was feeling better. He said he may make Misha a cross on Monday.

Mom was in the dining room but had just finished so we headed to the room. David and Pat came in not too much later. Mom said she played bingo this morning and won a quarter and there were some singers there at two that she enjoyed.

I went over Sunday a little earlier about 345. She was in the bathroom. We stayed in the room and talked until I took her to supper at 450. The food was already out. I went to get some gas and run an errand.

When I got back about 520 she was already in the room and David and Pat were there. I stopped by and looked at her plate in the dining room on my way and it was barely touched. Stew beef looked so good I amost ate it myself. Pat said she had eaten all of her carrot cake. Mom said she ate all of the stew beef that she wanted. We told her she needed to eat it all for the protein. I don't remember checking carrot cake on her menu anyway, but maybe I did.

David confirmed she has therapy sheduled again for the next two weeks.

Saturday and Sunday

Drove to Richmond yesterday in about 4 1.2 hours. Drake did the ride pretty well and was ok once he met everyone.

We all went out to eat (Drake stayed at the house) and called mom on the way about 645. She sounded really good on the speakerphone. She said Batchie's preacher Huffstetler and his assistant Jonathon had been by to see her. She also said someone from Temple had been by but the way I heard it she was not in the room when they were there.

Terry and I left at 1215 today and got back at 445, that was after 2 stops so we made good time. Drake was the perfect puppy. Mom was in the dining room looking very spry waiting on her food. Her hairs looked like they had just been fixed.

I  left Terry with her and took Drake home then went back and took Terry some bbq for supper. Mandy had already been to see mom once today and was coming to get Terry later.

Mom said Tim and Michelle had stopped by earlier. She said they told her they had so many people trying to get into church that they had to turn them away. Mom said "that sounds strange. I think I would have at least let them stand at the door outside or something." It was probably a fire department regulation.

I left her and Terry there about 645 having a good talk. David and Pat were on their way in to see her. I passed them in the hall and spoke a while. They had her laundry with them.

Christmas Day, 2011

We had the pleasure of having mom with us for another Christmas this year, her 88th. She'll turn 88 in less than 6 months. It seems every day a little part is slipping away then she snaps back and surprises you.

I picked her up at the facility at 1. Terry was already there. We loaded up the car and got mom and headed to Tim and Michelle's. We were almost there when mom said "just one more left turn to go." She was correct, and it was only the third time she had been to their house in the course of a year.

We had a great lunch. The usual suspects were there. My chili sadly went untouched, as it took forever to heat in the crock pot and by then we were eating. So it ended up at Darrel and Mandy's when I took Terry home. The Tribeca traveled about 135 miles today.

We were setting around the table after lunch and mom started talking about Arthur Holtzclaw again, and how her had sang "Beautiful Brown Eyes" to her mom said "in the bathroom." I said what? Terry corrected me, she had said in the back room. Mom twirled her finger around her ear and said "your minds are messed up."

We opened presents and she had a ton there, about 6 I think. Some new gowns and pants and shirt and a pair of shoes. She got a video message from three of her great grandchildren while we were there so I played it for her. It was sweet.

We left about 530 and went back to the facility. I was going to take her clothes home and get rid of the boxes and take the tags off, but I wasn't thinking about making sure they fit first. As it turned out it didn't matter. When she learned what I had planned, to take them home, she said "yeah but you'll get to look at them tonight and I won't." It was heartbreaking to think of her in that room alone on Christmas night without her presents. So I went and got them. She's probably looking through them even now, it's about 8.

In what was surely illegal I made it from mom's facility to Terry's and back to moms house in exactly an hour. Normally it's a 45 minute trip one way, but there was no traffic. Everyone was at Mconalds or Jack in the Box.

We all had a good day in celebration of Christ's birth and I hope you did too whomever you are.

 

 

Christmas Eve, 2011

Ho Ho Ho! Or rather, trick or treat would be more appropriate for today it seems.

I met Linda at 11 at Olive Garden for lunch. They have a new dish with grilled chicken and spinach that has some nasty cheese in it that your teeth will remember forever; or at least until you vigorously brush them again.

After that I picked up some supplies for tomorrow's lunch and then washed the car and checked the mail at the post office.

I went by the house to drop off the food then went to put flowers on dads grave. Terry had called and said mom wanted some cedar on it from the tree at home so I had some of that with me. I called mom and she said to come by and get some flowers out of her room so I did. I put those on the grave then went by and got the staff 3 dozen donuts. 

By now it was after 330.  Mom was in the room snoozing. Brenda had been there this morning and mom didn't see her. She was in the dining room playing bingo. Brenda brought her some candy and a present. I took it with me tonight so she can open it tomorrow. She didn't know the box was there.

I had to deposit a check into the bank and I had to go home to get it so I rolled mom to the dining room at 440 and sat her at the table. I told her I'd be back in a little while.She was snoozing in he room right before we went to the dining room. When I woke her up she said "where's the baby?" I asked her what? She laughed and I said that was about as bad as "where's the beef."

So it was about 535 when I got back and she was still sitting at the table where I left her. She had on a bib and I asked her if she was finished, since most people were gone and her table was empty. She said they had not brought it yet.

I went back to the room for just a few minutes to strategize. It's like a war zone. So I go down the hall and see mom coming out of the dining room and turning toward the lobby. Mrs. Dodgins flags me down and asks me if I would take Oscar back to his room. She said his roommate went out to eat tonight and no one is there to take him. So I went to tell mom what I was doing then went and got Oscar and took him to his room. I saw his scanner over there and we talked about that for a minute. He said there was a power surge a while back and it blew it's regular power but it would sill operate on 12V.

On the way out of his room I saw a cna and asked her if she could get mom a grilled cheese sandwich since mom had said she would be happy with that. So I took mom back to her table and we sat there a while.

Rebbecca came over and said she was sorry she had not notice mom didn't have a tray. She did some research and found out someone put mom down to be gone out tonight and had her mixed up with someone else. They brought her a grilled cheese and a milk and we sat there til she was finished. "No one came by for me to tell them to get me a sandwich" she said. "Tomorrow is Monday" she said. I told her no it was Sunday and Christmas.

We went back to the room and I got her clothes out and some ice water. She thanked me for being there at supper so she could eat.

Another day in the neighborhood.

 

The Weekend, December 16th-18th

Friday was a bust. I called mom and talked to her about 8pm after I got back from High Shoals. Denise and I along with our former supervisor had took some food up to Lisa M's house and stayed a while to meet a lot of the family from out of town that we hear so much about.

Mom had therapy that morning at 10. Pat told me later she had went by there about 1030 and mom was doing well.

Saturday I left for Lisa's moms funeral about 1130. It was at 1. I drove up there with Denise and Lisa T. It was really a nice one. The pastor gave a good sermon and Lorainne's son in law John talked about how she was not a mother in law but a mother. She was really a good woman I was glad I had the pleasure of meeting and being in the company of several times over the last five years. It was at Saint Paul's Lutheran Church, which unlike many congregations of lesser focus chose to stay within the ELCA.

After we got back David and Pat took me to Cracker Barrel for lunch about 230. They also gave me a birthday present- an awesome black leather jacket! I have not had one since my 20's and it was brown. It looks really good and fits well. I went over to moms after that and Terry and Marianne were there with Annabelle. Mom was holding her and having a ball.

I went back over to moms a little after 5 with Drake and some of my birthday cake from Wednesday for mom. David and Pat had her sitting in the lobby with some coffee. She ate some of the cake with that. They had mom sitting comfortably in the lobby chair, and said she had gotten into it mostly of her own accord. She's putting her therapy into practice.

Another amzing event took place. David petted Drake and then Drake jumped into his lap - not once but three times, the last time for comfort because he was scared of a group of people pushing a chair down the hall. It was an amazing site, and gave comfort knowing this unexplained animosity is finally over.

I also had a Christmas ring for mom that Denise sent her. It's green and flashes different colored lights. She loved it. Her memory going to work she said "she's the one that gave me the apple butter." I said yes it was from her daughter's wedding.

Sunday Linda and I went to Ruby Tuesdays about 2. She had made me a calendar out of photos she had gleaned from Facebook that I had took of the mountains, Drake, mom, etc. It's really cool. I went to moms after that and took her clothes back. I hung them up while she ate supper. She had called me at the restaurant and said she had been watching skiing all day long. It was still on when I got there.

Then she started musing about Arthur Holtzclaw, how he had stayed with her and her dad all night when she had her tonsils out and "he kissed my nasty mouth". "I think he loved me" she said.

David and Pat went over later. Mom called just before they got there. They said she thought she heard Terry and Marianne singing down the hall.

 

 

 

Wednesday

Mom called me in the car about 708pm. I told her I was almost there.  I had just left the restaurant. The office and my boss took me out for my birthday and she bought my supper. There were seven of us. We had a good time and a great cake.

When I went in mom was watching tv. I showed her the card Lisa S got me which is a musical card that has dogs barking the happy birthday song. Then I showed her a photo of the cake which had a "picture" of Drake on it. "Well I be dog" mom laughed. I said no that be the dog, pointing at the ones on the picture.

I asked her if she had done any exercises today and she said just the ones where she lifted her legs. She asked me again what the therapist said and I went over it with her again and reminded her of what she had done with her yesterday. I showed her how to do the one where she lifts her leg to strengthen her hip.

She got ill, musing that it "seems so stupid with all the stuff they have over here and I gotta bundle up and go over yonder" to get therapy. She said it was an aggravation for us and for Joyce. I told her it wasn't and that she better stop looking for negative things and look at the positive, that something is being done.

Her brother had just left. I wonder if he got an earful of that too? I hope she starts feeling better about the therapy. I left about 750.